Wedded Bliss

Well, it's a done deal. Sparky and Maude tied the knot. It was a beautiful ceremony and a rockin' reception. Somebody stole my shoes...if that gives you any indication of what kind of party it was! Good times...good times.

Although, I AM going to miss my shoes. They were really cute and very comfortable for strappy high heels. Oh well...a small price to pay to the party goods.

I took this video of Hubby dancing at the reception. Sorry girls, he's taken. What can I say?



Yeah, yeah... I know. The lighting was bad and my camera was turned the wrong way, but this was taken WAY into the evening and after SEVERAL glasses of wine and the loss of my shoes.

Here are some photos from the rehearsal dinner when things were a little more tame...

This is our friend, Jeff, giving the world's MOST inappropriate toast to the bride and groom. The bride's family...the relatives from Ohio? They didn't think his toast was funny at all.

Total crickets.

Us, on the other hand? Funniest rehearsal dinner toast ever!

This is our friend, Wormio, giving a toast that would have made Emily Post proud. You can always count on Wormio to do the classy thing. He's a good guy...and he's single, girls! Good job and excellent credit...no kids...no diseases. I'm just sayin'...

It's times like this, I get nostalgic for the days when we lived in Memphis, had no kids and met up every Friday night at The Bottom Line for happy hour. Oh well, time marches on...but it's still nice to get together for special occasions and catch up with everyone.

Here's Hubby and me.

All in all, I would say the wedding was a major success. I had a great time!

But then, I always have fun at Sparky's weddings. ;o)

Miss Priss's 3rd Birthday Party

Night! Night! Birthday girl!

Still Here...Still Tickin'

This is a quick blog post to let you know that yes, I'm still alive and no, I'm not currently trapped under something heavy. I have been incredibly busy this last week and it looks like it's not going to let up the next two weeks. Currently, I am playing hostess with the mostess to my parents who are in town for the week to celebrate Miss Priss's 3rd birthday (which was Monday). I had intended to write her a special birthday post, but the time got away from me, so being the top quality mother that I am, I'm just going to recycle last year's birthday post.


On Friday, we leave for Memphis to attend Sparky and Maude's wedding! I still can't believe it's finally happening. Sparky put the "ass" in procrASStination. (Yes, I realize that's not spelled correctly, but the pun only works with two esses.) We have to be in Memphis dressed and ready to go by 5:30 Friday night so we can attend the rehearsal dinner, but have I gone shopping to buy anything to wear? Heck no! Because Hubby was given ONE job...ONE teeny tiny little job...to find out what the dress is supposed to be. Has he done it? ONE guess as to the answer to that question.


After the wedding, we're loading up and headed to the lake for a week with the Shelby Sun Crew. Shelby is the county that we all used to live in and Sun Crew means that we always get together and go to the lake once a year. Hubby and I are really looking forward to it because it's always a blast! We have an ongoing Trivial Pursuit competition that we hold every year (guys vs. girls) and forgive my bragging, but the girls whip the guys butts...Every.Single.Year!


So if my blog posts seem a little anemic these and if I haven't stopped by your blog in awhile, it's not that I don't want to, it's probably more likely that I can't get internet or can't find a few minutes to sit down and read or type something out. I imagine I'll be "Polly Prolific" when I get back because I'm hoping to channel my friend Kimtastic and take lots of pictures over the next few weeks.

Bats In My Cave, Part V

1. In less than two days, I'm going to have a house full of company...my parents and Hubby's parents. They're all coming in for Miss Priss's birthday. To say my house is a pig sty would be generous. I have approximately 3 free hours tomorrow and maybe another one or two hours on Friday to make my house ready for company, but do I seem worried? Hell yes, I'm worried! I'm just too tired to do anything about it right now.

2. I got some new running shoes today...and they are heaven on my tootsies. I've started working out at our club every morning because they FINALLY changed the childcare hours to times that work for me. I've got to say, I've never really been a gym kind of a girl, but I like this arrangement. I know a couple of other girls who work out at the same time as me which makes it a little more fun and Miss Priss seems to enjoy playing with the other kids...so it's a win-win.

3. An old friend of mine from high school just celebrated the one-year anniversary of her cancer going into remission with the news that her scans are still clear. When I saw her status update on Facebook, I sat and cried with joy for five minutes. This is why I love Facebook...we haven't seen each other in almost twenty years, but I had the opportunity to pray for her and celebrate this amazing, wonderful news with her. If not for Facebook, I would probably have never known about any of it until the next class reunion.

4. I'm addicted to Crystal Light iced green tea. It rocks and it's only 5 calories!

5. Is it me or does the Burger King look like some kind of creepy pedophile. I don't know who their advertising agency is, but they should seriously consider making a change.

6. And speaking of hamburgers, they just opened a 5 Guys not even a mile from our neighborhood. All I can say is that it's a good thing I've gotten back on my work-out schedule because when the 5 Guys start calling your name, there's not much you can do but obey.

7. Guess who's getting married next Saturday? Sparky and Maude! Can you believe it?!

8. Miss Priss has started telling Hubby and me to "Shut Up!" One guess as to why this has started happening. I swear, if I EVER see that guy again, I'm going to rip him limb from limb and after they arrest me for assault, I'm going to use my one phone call to call that dick in his hospital room to tell him to rest up because I'm coming for round 3!

9. My parents are staying with us all of next week. I'm so excited about this...I mean, of course I'm happy to see my parents and all, but I am freakin' OVER THE MOON about a week's worth of FREE babysitting. Hubby and I have made plans to go see the new Harry Potter movie , go out to dinner and hang with friends...and trust me when I tell you, my parents don't have the slightest problem with this. They're coming to see Miss Priss. Hubby and I? We're expendable.

10. Miss Priss started her ballet lessons last week. It was just about the sweetest thing I've ever seen. Ten little girls in their leotards and tights with varying degrees of interest and talent. I could have cried from the adorableness of the whole thing!

I'm Ready for My Close Up, Mr. Demille

Some days I feel like Mom of the Year. On those days, I feed my child nothing but nutritious meals consisting of organic fruits and vegetables, free-range chicken and farm fresh eggs. I also feed her little brain with trips to the library, Baby Einstein puzzles and hours of reading before bed...I exercise her body and stimulate her social skills with plenty of outdoor activity, trips to playgroups and ballet classes. We sit as a family and have a lovely meal in the evening where we turn off the television and talk about our day.

On those nights, I go to bed feeling like this mommy thing isn't as tough as people say. In fact, it's a total breeze. So tomorrow I'll probably take on something a wee bit more taxing to the brain like...oh, I don't know...that annoying little world peace thing that seems to elude everyone.

And then there are days like today...

Tonight I will go to bed and pray that my child doesn't grow up to be the next Augusten Burroughs and write a memoir about her half-crazed, lunatic mother who barely got it together to feed her cereal for breakfast (because she'd forgotten that she'd agreed to feed the neighbor's cat and was therefore unbelievably late) and then hit the drive-thru at Chik-Fil-A for lunch and was so desperate to make a phone call with no crying in the background that she let her child drink her coke.

The same mom who skipped a playgroup so she could go to Best Buy and exchange a television for one that matched her kitchen cabinets better and who let her child go to bed tonight without brushing her teeth by rationalizing that "Hey, they're only the baby ones," and all so she could shave five minutes off the bedtime ritual and thus hit the sofa in time to watch her favorite television show.

YICK! It sounds even worse as I recount it now. Just promise me this...when they make the book into a movie, all I ask is that Madonna NOT play me. That's all I ask.

Nightmare

Have you ever had one of those kinds of nightmares that seems so real? It's not about monsters or ghosts or giant spiders, but something that could really happen yet is so unthinkable, you try never to think about it until one night your subconscious decides to go commando and takes you to your deepest, darkest fear?

I had THAT dream last night. It was HORRIBLE! I woke up sweating and feeling like I could cry. I must have come awake with a start because Hubby reached over and started cuddling (which helped me get my heartrate back to normal), but still the dream has been with me all day.

Tonight, I only want to dream about shopping, marshmallows and pedicures. I hope I do.

Not a Hip Chick

I feel like I have become decidedly UN-hip in recent years. The latest trends and fads? They're just passing me by. Like, if I were to join a conversation about any of the following "hot topics" right now, I wouldn't have anything to add, except...

• I wasn't at all shocked by the death of Michael Jackson. I mean, I kind of saw it coming. He's been looking really frail for a long time now, and don't EVEN get me started on his over-the-top memorial! I mean, I didn't personally know the guy, but it seems to me that someone as notoriously shy and private as MJ was, wouldn't have wanted such a spectacle for a funeral. Michael's father, on the other hand, strikes me as shifty and self-serving and seems to be treating the death of his baby son as some kind of winning lottery ticket rather than the terrible tragedy that it was.

• I couldn't pick out a "Real Housewife" in a lineup if my life depended on it. I try not to watch any television that makes me cringe or feel uncomfortable. Whatever happened to dignity, privacy and restraint? Mark my words, phychiatrists are going to declare a mental disorder any day now to describe a person who would do or say anything just to be on TV. My term for these people? Fame Freaks. (Copyright, K-mom 2009.) Don't encourage them, people!! You wouldn't encourage a crackhead to do more crack would you?

• I haven't read any of the Twilight books. It's not because I'm a literary snob or anything. It's just that when I go to the bookstore, something else always catches my attention. One day I'll read them, but at this rate, it won't be until Miss Priss does.

• I have NO idea who Jay-Z is except that he's married to Beyonce, and frankly? She could have done A LOT better in the looks department than him. I'm just sayin'...

• I've never seen an episode of Grey's Anatomy...not a single one. When I watch medical shows, I end up thinking I have the disease on that week's episode. Trust me, it's better for everyone that I don't watch.

• I don't know what the "cool" designer jeans are anymore. I found the brand that fit me best years ago and I've stayed pretty loyal since then.

I think I might be setting myself up to be the "uncool" mom who has to have everything explained to her by her embarassed and exasperated daughter...and you know what? I'm okay with that.

Behind Every Successful Man...

...is a wisecracking wife.

The following is a transcript of an actual conversation between Hubby and me the other day.

Hubby: Babe, can I talk to you for a minute?

Me: Sure. What's up?

Hubby: I'm thinking of trying to go for my CMB.

Me: What's that?

Hubby: It's a special certification for people in my field.

Me: Is it something you're required to get?

Hubby: No, but it's really nice to have.

Me: I've never heard of it. Is it something you go for after your MBA?

Hubby: Not really. It's not a school thing...it's more like a special designation. It's based on a point system and you have to acquire 50 points by serving on committees and boards and then you also have to take five week-long continuing education classes in San Diego, Chicago, Houston, Atlanta, and New York.

Me: You had me at San Diego. Do wives get to go?

Hubby: Maybe, but I don't know how much time we'd get. It's an entire week of morning to night classes, workshops and meetings.

Me: Well, that doesn't sound too hard.

Hubby: That's just the beginning. After that, you have to take a test that lasts 6 hours and IF you pass it, you're required to go in front of a board of other CMBs for an oral interview. If you're accepted, you earn the designation and you get to put the letters behind your name whenever you sign something. In all, it takes about a year-and-a-half to earn it.

Me: Cool...but what's the POINT of the designation? Why do people do it?

Hubby: It's kind of a prestige thing in my industry.

Me: That's a lot of work for a better seat at the annual mortgage banker's banquet.

Hubby: Do you remember Mr. Banker Bigshot...the one we had dinner with last year?

Me: The guy who earns more money than Oprah?

Hubby: Yeah...THAT guy. He has his CMB.

Me: Go on.

(Mention Oprah money and you suddenly get my undivided attention.)

Hubby: If you have it, you can pretty much write your own ticket. The door to any bank is open to you because they all want to have CMBs on their staff.

Me: But why? WHY does the designation make those people so coveted?

Hubby: Because there are so few of them.

Me: So...what? They're like Jedi masters or something?

Hubby: Kind of.

Hubby's laughing here because deep down, he likes being compared to a Jedi master. All guys do.

Me: Then you must undertake your training, young Luke.

Hubby: Ha! Ha! Very funny.

Me: May the Mort be with you!

Hubby: The Mort?

Me: Short for mortgage. It's the best I could come up with off the top of my head.

Hubby: Alright. Good talking this through with you...

Me, in by best Yoda impersonation (which isn't good): Interest rates low they are.

Hubby: Good one.

Me: Wait! Wait! One more...so the Death Star is like what? The Fed?

Hubby: Hilarious. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your serious contemplation of this potentially life-changing decision. I can just feel the love and support.

Me: Anytime, young Jedi, anytime.

Praying She Won't Be The 3-Year-Old Elaine

Miss Priss is starting ballet classes this week. To say she is excited is an understatement. She's uber-excited!

We drove over to the dance academy to pay her tuition today and while I was talking to the school's director, Miss Priss watched some older girls taking a ballet class. She was enraptured! She stood stock-still, with her little nose pressed up against the glass, watching the girls twirl and leap and spin.

Afterwards, we drove to the dance store, armed with our list of requirements for our little four-week class: black leotard, pink tights, pink ballet shoes and white tap shoes. When we walked into the store, Miss Priss told the saleslady, "I'm taking ballet class!"

We left the store twenty minutes later and about $100 broker and went to Target. There, she stopped two men and told them, "I'm taking ballet class!"

When we got home, Hubby was trying to have a call with his boss, but Miss Priss kept dancing around him saying, "I'm taking ballet class! I'm taking ballet class!"

Tonight, before bed, we read only books about ballerinas and right before I turned out the lights, Miss Priss said, "I love ballet, Mommy!"

I love this part of parenting...watching your child develop a passion for something and then helping them explore it. I told the ballet school's director that they will never have a more enthusiastic student than Miss Priss.

As for talent? That's an entirely different matter. Lately, I've found myself hoping and praying she didn't inherit my pitiful and embarrassing dancing skills. If she did? It's not going to be pretty.

The BEST Invention Evah!

Can I just tell you how much I LOVE online shopping?

Seriously. In the span of just thirty minutes, I took care of Miss Priss's birthday present, ordered her some personalized thank you notes, bought two wedding gifts AND arranged to have them gift wrapped and delivered...and all without wearing a bra.

A girl could get used to this. :o)

10 Interesting Facts About Independence Day

1. Independence Day commemorates the formal adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, but did you know it wasn't declared a national holiday until 1941?

2. There are eleven cities in America with the word "independence" in their name. The most populous of these is Independence, Missouri, with 113,288 residents.

3. The iconic Uncle Sam was first popularized during the War of 1812, when it was used on supply containers, but he wasn't adopted as a national symbol until 1961.

4. Historical research has failed to confirm that Betsy Ross sewed the first flag. Sorry Betsy!

5. Not all members of the Continental Congress supported a formal Declaration of Independence, but those who did were so passionate about it that one representative rode 80 miles by horseback to reach Philadelphia so he could vote in support of independence.

6. The first two versions of the Liberty Bell were defective and had to be melted down and recast. The third version rang every Fourth of July from 1778 to 1835, when, according to tradition, it cracked as it was being tolled for the death of Chief Justice John Marshall.

7. The American national anthem, the "Star-Spangled Banner" is set to the tune of an English drinking song called "To Anacreon in Heaven.".

8. The iron framework of the Statue of Liberty was devised by the same engineer who built the Eiffel Tower in Paris. His name was Alexandre-Gustave Eiffel.

9. The patriotic poem "America the Beautiful" was published on July 4, 1895 by Wellesley College professor Katharine Lee Bates. Girlz rule, boys drool!

10. Father of the country and architect of independence George Washington held his first public office when he was only 17. He continued in public service until his death in 1799. Good guy, that George.

Happy 4th of July everyone! Celebrate and be grateful for your freedom!

The Small Print

Our club is hosting a 4th of July celebration this weekend and Hubby and I took it upon ourselves to organize a big group of couples from the neighborhood to all go together, stake out the best spot for the fireworks and bust out the picnic baskets and wine.

I've been on the phone for three days, making sure everyone who is in town that wants to go has made their reservation and knows where to meet. This was no small feat, by the way. Getting approximately six couples and their kids to agree to all be in the same spot at the same time is tedious work!

So, I was feeling like the social director extraordinaire that I so obviously am, when I got to talking with my neighbor the other day and she said to me, "K-mom, everyone knows the celebration is scheduled for the 3rd and not the 4th, right?"

"Ummmm...no. Why would it be on the 3rd when the 4th falls on a Saturday?"

"Well," she replied, "the homeowner's association and the country club couldn't get their acts together and by the time they called the pyrotechnics company to schedule the fireworks, they were already booked for the 4th. It was on the invitation. Didn't you read it?"

"Heck no, I didn't read it! Who schedules a 4th of July celebration on the 3rd? I mean, seriously."

So, back on the phone to make sure that everyone knew to be at the club on the 3rd and not the 4th. Guess how many people actually read the invitation and knew the correct date...I mean, other than me?

All of them.

Damn.

Hubby, Miss Priss and I would have been pretty lonely at the club on the 4th with our picnic basket and tailgating chairs...just the three of us...wondering where the heck everyone else was.

Like I said, social director extraordinaire.